Yes, I think this is how we take our agency back (recognising that our response is the only thing we ever have control over after this tragedy…and that’s enough of a challenge to be honest! ) If anyone else tries to console me by saying Dom’s at peace I want to hit them! But it is something I remind myself of, and it helps me to see a parallel that Dom would also want…that I have found my peace too.
Absolutely! I know my cub is at peace now, and I cannot ever begrudge him that. Buuut, it's also not something that consoles me when I'm hurting... I'm usually still mad at him for bailing on me, heh.
I think that's the most beautiful thing about having a deep connection with someone... you know, deep down, what they'd want for you in their absence. And I'm quite sure it's never sorrow and misery.
Once again Bear, huge respect to you for so honestly describing this incredibly complex grief. Sometimes we have to find solace in knowing that we did everything that could possibly have been done but that our child still had agency over which we had zero control. Your love for him was never in doubt…and that he knew it counts above all else.
There are so many cogs turning. So many other influences, both internal and external... it's a bit of hubris to think we are saviors that can make all the difference 😅🥲
I remember a horrible story from one of my brothers' dear friends. They are nomadic yoga hippies who lived in a sort of camper truck. One day, they stopped for lunch under some sand arches, a chunk broke off, and killed their daughter, who was about 4.
I was haunted by that scenario. The what-ifs the parents must have had to go through.
I had to think of the impossibly bad timing of it all and had to just wonder if that was all she was meant for. After all, any number of different choices that day would have prevented that death. So it makes you wonder if it was just her time, somehow. The number of choices to lead to her being in the exact wrong place at the exact wrong time was uncanny.
And I was in awe of the message her father left on Instagram a year later. He didn't seem sad. He was grateful, for everything she taught them, everything she gave them. It was beautiful.
I think perhaps his story helped me in some way. I was inspired by the way he had taken a devastating tragedy and turned it into a source of light and power.
Yes, I think this is how we take our agency back (recognising that our response is the only thing we ever have control over after this tragedy…and that’s enough of a challenge to be honest! ) If anyone else tries to console me by saying Dom’s at peace I want to hit them! But it is something I remind myself of, and it helps me to see a parallel that Dom would also want…that I have found my peace too.
Absolutely! I know my cub is at peace now, and I cannot ever begrudge him that. Buuut, it's also not something that consoles me when I'm hurting... I'm usually still mad at him for bailing on me, heh.
I think that's the most beautiful thing about having a deep connection with someone... you know, deep down, what they'd want for you in their absence. And I'm quite sure it's never sorrow and misery.
Once again Bear, huge respect to you for so honestly describing this incredibly complex grief. Sometimes we have to find solace in knowing that we did everything that could possibly have been done but that our child still had agency over which we had zero control. Your love for him was never in doubt…and that he knew it counts above all else.
There are so many cogs turning. So many other influences, both internal and external... it's a bit of hubris to think we are saviors that can make all the difference 😅🥲
I remember a horrible story from one of my brothers' dear friends. They are nomadic yoga hippies who lived in a sort of camper truck. One day, they stopped for lunch under some sand arches, a chunk broke off, and killed their daughter, who was about 4.
I was haunted by that scenario. The what-ifs the parents must have had to go through.
I had to think of the impossibly bad timing of it all and had to just wonder if that was all she was meant for. After all, any number of different choices that day would have prevented that death. So it makes you wonder if it was just her time, somehow. The number of choices to lead to her being in the exact wrong place at the exact wrong time was uncanny.
And I was in awe of the message her father left on Instagram a year later. He didn't seem sad. He was grateful, for everything she taught them, everything she gave them. It was beautiful.
I think perhaps his story helped me in some way. I was inspired by the way he had taken a devastating tragedy and turned it into a source of light and power.